Should i whip my kids

The American Psychological Association says positive reinforcement is more effective than spanking. IE 11 is not supported. For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser. Politics Covid U. News World Opinion Business.

Share this —. Follow NBC News. Christ preached gentleness, love, and understanding, and seemed against any harsh use of the rod, as stated by Paul in 1 Cor. There are parents who should not spank and children who should not be spanked.

Are there factors in your history, your temperament, or your relationship with your child that put you at risk for abusing your child? Are there characteristics in your child that make spanking unwise? If the answer to any of these queries is yes, you would be wise to develop a no-spanking mindset in your home and do your best to come up with noncorporal alternatives.

If you find you are unable to do this on your own, talk with someone who can help you. Children often perceive punishment as unfair. They are more likely to rebel against corporal punishment than against other disciplinary techniques.

Children do not think rationally like adults, but they do have an innate sense of fairness—though their standards are not the same as adults. This can prevent punishment from working as you hoped it would and can contribute to an angry child. Oftentimes, the sense of unfairness escalates to a feeling of humiliation. When punishment humiliates children they either rebel or withdraw.

While spanking may appear to make the child afraid to repeat the misbehavior, it is more likely to make the child fear the spanker. In our experience, and that of many who have thoroughly researched corporal punishment, children whose behaviors are spank-controlled throughout infancy and childhood may appear outwardly compliant, but inside they are seething with anger. They feel that their personhood has been violated, and they detach themselves from a world they perceive has been unfair to them.

They find it difficult to trust, becoming insensitive to a world that has been insensitive to them. Parents who examine their feelings after spanking often realize that all they have accomplished is to relieve themselves of anger. This impulsive release of anger often becomes addicting—perpetuating a cycle of ineffective discipline. We have found that the best way to prevent ourselves from acting on the impulse to spank is to instill in ourselves two convictions: 1.

That we will not spank our children. That we will discipline them. Since we have decided that spanking is not an option, we must seek out better alternatives. People are more likely to recall traumatic events than pleasant ones. I vividly remember the willow branch scenes. After my wrongdoing, my grandfather would send me to my room.

He would tell me I was going to receive a spanking. I remember looking out the window, seeing him walk across the lawn and take a willow branch from the tree. He would come back to my room and spank me across the back of my thighs with the branch. The willow branch seemed to be an effective spanking tool. It stung and made an impression upon me— physically and mentally. Research has shown that spanking may leave scars deeper and more lasting than a fleeting redness of the bottom.

Here is a summary of the research on the long-term effects of corporal punishment:. The evidence against spanking is overwhelming. Hundreds of studies all come to the same conclusions:.

The more physical punishment a child receives, the more aggressive he or she will become. The more children are spanked, the more likely they will be abusive toward their own children. Spanking plants seeds for later violent behavior. Many studies show the futility of spanking as a disciplinary technique, but none show its usefulness. Our general impression is that parents spank less as their experience increases.

Spanking does not promote good behavior. It creates a distance between parent and child, and it contributes to a violent society. Pick a suitable timeout place, such as a chair or bottom step, that's free of distractions. Remember, getting sent to your room isn't effective if a computer, TV, or games are there. Also, a timeout is time away from any type of reinforcement. So your child shouldn't get any attention from you while in a timeout — including talking, eye contact, etc.

Be sure to consider the length of time that will work best for your child. Experts say 1 minute for each year of age is a good rule of thumb; others recommend using the timeout until the child is calmed down to teach self-regulation. Make sure that if a timeout happens because your child didn't follow directions, you follow through with the direction after the timeout. It's important to tell kids what the right thing to do is, not just to say what the wrong thing is.

For example, instead of saying "Don't jump on the couch," try "Please sit on the furniture and put your feet on the floor. Be sure to give clear, direct commands. Instead of "Could you please put your shoes on?

Again, consistency is crucial, as is follow-through. Make good on any promises of discipline or else you risk undermining your authority. Kids have to believe that you mean what you say. This is not to say you can't give second chances or allow a certain margin of error, but for the most part, you should act on what you say.

Be careful not to make unrealistic threats of punishment "Slam that door and you'll never watch TV again! If you threaten to turn the car around and go home if the squabbling in the backseat doesn't stop, make sure you do exactly that. The credibility you'll gain with your kids is much more valuable than a lost beach day.

Huge punishments may take away your power as a parent. If you ground your son or daughter for a month, your child may not feel motivated to change behaviors because everything has already been taken away. It may help to set some goals that kids can meet to earn back privileges that were taken away for misbehavior. Kids in this age group — just as with all ages — can be disciplined with natural consequences. As they mature and request more independence and responsibility, teaching them to deal with the consequences of their behavior is an effective and appropriate method of discipline.

For example, if your fifth grader's homework isn't done before bedtime, should you make him or her stay up to do it or even lend a hand yourself? Probably not — you'll miss an opportunity to teach a key life lesson. If homework is incomplete, your child will go to school the next day without it and suffer the resulting bad grade. It's natural for parents to want to rescue kids from mistakes, but in the long run they do kids a favor by letting them fail sometimes.

Kids see what behaving improperly can mean and probably won't make those mistakes again. However, if your child does not seem to be learning from natural consequences, set up some of your own to help change the behavior.

Removing privileges such as electronics can be an effective consequence for this age group. By now you've laid the groundwork.